Written by Rick Weber, LCSW
Discover how ACT can help you break free from mental struggles and live according to your values.
Do you find yourself controlling the uncontrollable?
Do you sometimes struggle to figure out what really matters?
Does your mind get trapped by the steady stream of noise inside you or around you?
Is it difficult to know what the next step in your life might be?
If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, you're not alone. These are some of the most common challenges people face in today's fast-paced world.
What Is Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)?
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is a well-researched, evidence-based approach to addressing these universal human struggles. Unlike other forms of therapy that may focus on eliminating symptoms, ACT helps you develop psychological flexibility.
Psychological flexibility is "the ability to contact the present moment more fully as a conscious human being, and to change or persist in behavior when doing so serves valued ends."
The ACT Framework: Three Core Components
One way to remember ACT is through this simple framework:
Accept - Open up to your experience of thoughts, feelings, and sensations instead of avoiding them, attempting to get rid of them, or getting into a tug of war with them.
Choose - Identify what your values are. What really matters to you? What kind of person do you want to be?
Take Action - Make choices based on your values instead of your beliefs about what you should do, your anxieties, and your negative stories about yourself.
Understanding Acceptance: The Foundation of ACT
The Pain-Resistance Equation
What is meant by acceptance? Here's a simple equation that can help us explore it:
Pain + Resistance = Suffering
Can we be willing to open up to what we're experiencing right now, without avoiding it, trying to get rid of it, or attempting to control it?
The Role of Mindfulness in ACT
One approach ACT uses to help us move toward acceptance is mindfulness. Jon Kabat-Zinn, a medical doctor who observed the benefits of mindfulness while treating patients at a Boston hospital, defines mindfulness as:
"Awareness that arises through paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgmentally. And then I sometimes add, in the service of self-understanding and wisdom."
When Acceptance Doesn't Mean Passivity
Important note: Acceptance is not a cure-all or an excuse for inaction. As a culture, there are things we need to stand up against, such as gun violence, poverty, racism, and the exploitation of children.
However, we may need acceptance in our day-to-day lives: accepting things as they are, not as we prefer them to be. Acceptance is also a process; we may need to return to it repeatedly to cope with life's challenges.
As a therapist, I like talking about acceptance with my clients because it is hard, not easy. Your therapist struggles with this too!
Breaking Free from Mental Traps
How Our Minds Can Work Against Us
The mind's job is to generate thoughts. This can help us solve problems at work, remember tasks, or reflect on important events. However, our minds can also hinder us by:
- Taking us out of the present moment
- Getting us stuck in judgment
- Entangling us with difficult memories
- Creating negative thoughts about ourselves
- Defining us by our worst mistakes
- Making us believe negative stories about ourselves
The Trance of Unworthiness
Spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle explains this phenomenon:
"Most people are so completely identified with the voice in the head—the incessant stream of involuntary and compulsive thinking and the emotions that accompany it—that we may describe them as being possessed by their mind."
Similarly, meditation teacher Tara Brach describes how our judgmental mind leads us to a "trance of unworthiness," where our inner critic falsely tells us:
"Your natural way of being is not okay; to be acceptable you must be different from the way you are."
The Path to Freedom
Mindfulness offers us an opportunity to climb out of this mental hole:
"Each time we can mindfully pause and refrain from fear-based activities of blaming, striving, or self-numbing, the trance of unworthiness begins to lift,” says Brach.
By untangling ourselves from these mental traps, we can spend our energy on what really matters and behave as the person we want to be.
Try This: A Simple Acceptance Exercise
Want to practice acceptance right now? Here's a simple exercise called "Yes and No":
Setup:
Sit comfortably in a chair and lean back slightly.
Part 1 - Experiencing Resistance:
- Practice saying "no" to any sensations you're experiencing. Then, say "no" to any thoughts or feelings that show up. Notice how this resistance feels.
- Shift your attention back to the room around you.
Part 2 - Practicing Acceptance:
- Now, lean back in your chair again.
- This time, practice willingness by feeling the sensations. Even small ones, positive or negative. Whatever they are, practice saying "yes" to them.
Congratulations! You're now on the road to practicing acceptance.
Taking Your Next Steps with ACT
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy offers a powerful framework for living a more flexible, values-driven life. Remember:
- Acceptance doesn't mean giving up, it means opening up to your experience
- Mindfulness helps you step back from unhelpful mental patterns
- Values-based action guides you toward meaningful choices
- Psychological flexibility is a skill you can develop with practice
If you're interested in exploring ACT further, consider working with a qualified therapist who specializes in this approach. The journey toward psychological flexibility is ongoing, but every step you take brings you closer to the life you truly want to live.
Ready to start your journey with Acceptance and Commitment Therapy? Contact me today to learn how ACT can help you develop greater psychological flexibility and live according to your values.
